The Worst Father's Day Talk With Dad

Visiting Angels created a program to help families address
"the car keys conversation" with mom or dad. 

Guest blog post by Visiting Angels

(FATHER'S DAY, SUNDAY JUNE 15th) - It’s the great debate – who’s the better driver? Mom or Dad? This Father’s Day, dads will love to hear in a recent national survey 63% of adult children say Dad’s a better driver than Mom. However, if adult children had to take away Dad’s car keys because he’s unsafe to drive, many fear Dad would get so angry he’d cut them out of the will.

The new national poll reveals more than 3 out of 4 (79%) adult children say telling their parents they’re taking away their car keys because they’re no longer fit to drive is THE MOST uncomfortable conversation they could have with them.

66% of adult children say it will be MORE DIFFICULT to have the car keys conversation with Dad than with Mom. And, 3 out of 4 adult children believe Dad will be MORE UPSET than Mom if he can’t drive anymore.

The national survey of 400 adults, whose parents are both living, 65 or older and currently driving, was commissioned by Visiting Angels, one of our nation’s largest in-home senior care companies with more than 450 offices throughout the country.

MOM vs. DAD:

When asked how their parents will react to the car keys conversation: 

Dad is more likely than Mom to…

• Deny there is a problem (78%)
• Get angry (74%) 
• Refuse to give up his car keys (75%) 
• Take away some of the inheritance (70%) 
• Stop speaking to you (62%) 

Mom is more likely than Dad to…

• Cry (89%)
• Say she’s relieved she doesn’t have to drive any more (75%) 
• Agree with you and hand over her car keys (70%)

WHO SHOULD TALK WITH DAD?

The survey reveals more than half (55%) of adult children would prefer their sibling/s have the car keys conversation with their parents. 58-year-old Jeff Cooper, of Phoenix, was nominated by his two sisters to have the dreaded car keys conversation with his 85-year-old dad. Jeff talked to his dad four or five times – and each time, his dad was convinced he was still a good driver. Jeff eventually had to call law enforcement and his insurance agency to test his dad. His father failed the tests, and his keys were taken away. Jeff’s father was furious, and he says it would have been nice to have a caregiver help facilitate this difficult conversation with his dad.

THE SOLUTION to the DREADED CAR KEYS CONVERSATION:

Visiting Angels has created a Senior Driving Safety program that can help families address this issue without causing conflict. Visiting Angels in-home caregivers …

• Act as a mediator for families during the car keys conversation with senior parents. 

• Are an extra set of eyes and ears for families at home – is Dad on medication that makes him drowsy? Is his hearing getting bad? Are there new dents in the car?

• Drive seniors to the doctor or the grocery store - the top two places respondents worry their parents can’t visit if they can’t drive (the Visiting Angels survey also reveals 56% of adult children don’t know home care agencies offer this transportation service).

• Visiting Angels created a Senior Passenger Aboard sticker that seniors can proudly put on their vehicle while their caregiver drives them where they need to go. This sticker alerts drivers to be cautious around this vehicle, as seniors are more likely to be injured or killed in traffic crashes due to age-related vulnerabilities, such as fragile bones (AAA).

WHAT’S SO STRESSFUL ABOUT TAKING AWAY PARENTS’ CAR KEYS?

• The majority (61%) of respondents fear their parents will become depressed if they can’t drive. 

• Nearly half (45%) say it will in some way damage their relationship with their parents. 

• 42% say they worry they’ll now have to drive their parents around. 

“We often hear how families dread the ‘car keys’ conversation because it’s uncomfortable, emotionally charged and can strip their parents’ feelings of pride and independence. We would rather help families have this conversation than to have them avoid it all together. That’s why we started the Senior Driving Safety Program,” says Larry Meigs, CEO of Visiting Angels. “Our caregivers can help mediate the conversation and drive parents around so they’re not socially isolated and can get wherever they want to go. Plus, our caregivers are trained to spot elderly driving problems adult children often miss.”

About Visiting Angels Living Assistance Services:
Visiting Angels was established in 1991 in Baltimore as an independent agency caring for seniors in their homes. Today, Visiting Angels has more than 450 private duty agencies throughout the United States. Visiting Angels agencies employ only experienced caregivers and conduct the most comprehensive background screenings to ensure that their caregivers meet or exceed the company’s high standards. For companion care, Alzheimer’s care, Dementia care and the country’s best palliative care program, make Visiting Angels your choice in senior homecare. For more information on Visiting Angels or to find a location near you, please visit www.visitingangels.com.

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About The CareGiver Partnership. The CareGiver Partnership helps caregivers and their loved ones with answers to their caregiving questions, including information about home health care products and supplies, from our Wisconsin-based team of Product Specialists who are all current or former caregivers. The company’s Web site provides the largest online library of resources on subjects most important to caregivers — from arthritis to assisted living, and Parkinson’s to prostate cancer — as well as access to more than 3,000 home care products for incontinence, skin care, mobility, home safety and daily living aids. The CareGiver Partnership was founded in 2004 by Lynn Wilson of Neenah, Wisc. Visithttp://www.caregiverpartnership.com to learn more or call 1-800-985-1353.

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